Pain and Memory

"We do not remember days, we remember moments."  

I have decided only 7 weeks after chemo that I can't remember the pain of the chemo or of surgery.  That is a very good thing.  I have an example that only women will feel, sorry but it is the only thing I can come up with.  I remember the surgery and chemo the same way that I remember going through labor. .  Women who have had children will get this I think.  Or perhaps others who have gone through an accident, surgery or perhaps even a heart attack will get it.  My memory says labor was awful.  And the pain was real and at moments agonizing.  I remember that much.  But I don't really remember the physical pain of labor, all these years later.  It doesn't touch me.  The memory thankfully has slipped away.  I can remember moments but I don't remember the pain of that moment.  With labor, it slipped away within a day or two.  Perhaps because of sleep deprivation!  Or perhaps with the joy of a newborn.

The pain of chemo and the surgery is like that.  I can look back and say, "the bone pain was the worst."  But I don't remember what that felt like.  Even though I was only done 7 weeks ago, the physical memory of the pain has slipped away.  That ought to be reassuring to any one who has to go through something like this. Our brains are wonderful things and somehow they protect us from the physical memory of the pain while we are awake. 

This came to over the last few days because of the nightmare.  Only in my dreaming memory did the physical feeling of the pain resurface.   I wonder if it is like this for others.  And last night I slept fine.  I'm looking forward ...