Tackling the tough questions

The other night I had this random thought that I needed to go take a shower and wash my hair.  Then I remembered I had no hair. 

My last chemotherapy session was two weeks ago.  I am still losing my eyelashes but this week I am feeling better.  It is sunny and 70+ degrees in Chicago so I took a walk this afternoon with my Dad who has been visiting.   Next week I am going to work 1/2 days in the morning at the office instead of in my pj's at home.  When I work from home with only an occasional visit to the office it doesn't create a lot of questions.   When I have gone out, there are always odd looks and raised eyebrows.  I don't think the looks are offensive.  Everyone is curious.  I have been thinking a lot about the looks and the questions.  How do I answer them?  Do I answer them? 

Which leads to the even more basic question of how do I describe who I am?  How do I describe what I am going through?  How do I describe my progress? How is the experience of having cancer changed my life?

Am I a cancer survivor? Am I still battling cancer?  Am I cancer free?  The one thing I know is that I am a mix of emotions.  Or perhaps a mess of emotions is a better way to put it.  I have been so deep in battle with being sick, I haven't processed this yet.  When my mind drifts to those thoughts I push them away and tell myself to just hang on.  I try to work on getting through feeling sick.  I concentrate on eating right for today.  Then I try and rest and get enough sleep. 

But I know that soon enough I have to tackle the tough questions.