Another Surgeon, a different approach

One thing that I have been struggling with all day that I wish someone could explain to me.  How can two very very educated and respected breast cancer surgeons have such different statistics?  Dr. Bethke said, he thought my odds of recurrence if I had a bilateral mastectomy were 2-3 %.  This other surgeon, 6-8%.  If a lumpectomy, Dr. B says 30% (given my family history).  The other 20%.  Not that 20 or 30 is good or that one of the other is going to push me one direction or the other.   It just makes me crazy to try and figure out what is really accurate.


I am tired tonight.  Ken put the words to something yesterday that has been happening for the last two weeks.  We are struggling to find normal.  We both usually exercise 4-6 times a week and we are lucky if we are working out twice a week.  We take turns cooking, each cooking two to three nights a week and then Sushi another night.  We aren't eating well, last night was frozen pizza (which is usually reserved for nights when we have tried something experimental and it didn't turn out edible!)  We usually are at work at 8:30 most days and we aren't getting there until 9 or 9:30 or 10.  And I really can't tell you how we are spending the time.  I feel like I am slogging in mud.  And I feel bad for the women in the two next offices to me who have to hear me agonizing each day over the decisions I have to make.  I am sure that soon they will be thinking, "will she just make up her mind!"  And I am annoyed at myself that by 3 p.m. or 4 p.m.,  I am so tired I bail and head to curl up in bed for an hour while everyone else is still working hard.  

This morning we went to see the second surgeon.  He was very professional.  He could tell we were coming in for a second opinion and he was very gracious about it.  He said he doubted that he would find anything different than Northwestern had found but that he would have his team review it.  He said he works very well with Dr. Hanson (the head surgeon there) and asked me when I was going to see her.  I sheepishly answered Tuesday.  I handed over pathology slides, Cd's with lots of mammograms, ultrasound and MRI pictures and copies and copies of medical records and reports.  It is amazing how much stuff.  Ken carries my bag around as it is so heavy with paperwork.  This doctor was amazingly thorough.  It is hard to focus so sincerely for an hour on things that are so important that you are trying to catch every word and every meaning. 


This doctor and gentlemen is an exceptional surgeon.  Several women who had surgery by him raved about how wonderful he was.  He was knowledgeable. We learned a different process, his approach is much more traditional.  

I am tired tonight and trying to be cautious about what I say.  I don't think I will use this surgeon and the only reason I can tell you is because I got along with the other one better.  Dr. Bethke seemed better able to "go with the flow".  I am not a person who is very willing to wait and ask all my questions at the end.  I like the give and take of conversation.  I learn better that way.  I think better that way.  I like a little humor.  Ok, I like a lot of humor and even a touch of sarcasm.  Dr. Bethke had this great line when I asked about how badly disfigured I would be.  He said, "you need to give me more credit than that!"  With this wonderful wry smile on his face.   This doctor when I tried to insert  one of my classic "train of thought" questions, got just the tiniest facial tic and said, "I'll get to that."     But I learned a lot and heard a very different point of view.  It was worth every minute of our time.