So, as most of the people who know me really well know, I am NOT a patient person. Really, you don't even have to know me very well to know that. Once I decide to move I move. I don't sit long or well.
Yesterday I made my decision. I am going to have a bilateral mastectomy. I decided the ongoing surveillance needed because of my cystic breasts, the likelihood of recurrence, the potential "differences" of shape if I get one breast done (and then have to get plastic surgery on the other to match) and my age does not balance out for me with lumpectomy.
Please don't get me wrong. I'd rather keep my own breasts. It's just that right now that doesn't feel like a very good option. I don't want to get mammograms every 6 months, then ultrasounds when they find more cysts, then biopsies when they think those "might be suspicious". I am already scheduled for another biopsy next week for a cyst with something unusual about it. Then I get to hang around bruised and sore for weeks while I recover. It has been three weeks and I still have a hematoma and am black and blue from the last biopsies. I'm 47 years old. I'd rather be riding my bike. I'd rather be doing yoga. I don't want to worry.
I'm known at work for saying "work is not a hobby". Well, I'm not thinking being a cancer patient is a hobby I want either. C, the cancer survivor, said something profound the other day when I met with her. She said, "cancer came into my life, taught me some lessons, rearranged the furniture and left". For her, rearranging the furniture was getting new breasts. I'm thinking that is fine. It is here, in my house. I have to deal with it. I'm sure over the next six months there will be plenty of things I will learn and things it will rearrange but I don't want it hanging around as a hobby for the next 20 years. I want it to leave.
During our conversations I found that C waited 6 weeks for an appointment with the surgeon and plastic surgeon together. All day yesterday I kept thinking I do not want to end 2009 with cancer in my body if I can help it. So before I even have had my appointment with the plastic surgeon, I called and asked his office manager and asked when I could schedule. I meet him for the first time Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. The office manager seemed a little surprised but not totally shocked at my request. She said that she had just booked the last patient on December 17th that she thought she could book before the holidays with the two doctors.
I asked her to check and see what she could do. I expressed to her that I really wanted to heal over the holidays with my family. I gently asked her to call me back. When I was talking to my mother a few minutes later I mentioned that I was waiting for a time but that I was worried I would have to wait until after New Years. . I said I would have to figure out who I could beg to get in before the holidays. My mother said "not to worry, there will be a cancellation."
My thought when my mom said there will be a cancellation was "from her mouth to God's ears".
My phone rang 20 minutes later. It was the manager for the plastic surgeon, she had a cancellation, would December 14th do? It will do. Tuesday I meet with another surgeon, the plastic surgeon and a different plastic surgeon to confirm my choices.
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